My Dream Apartment

 

In a phone booth 

in some local bar & grill, 

rehearsing what I'll say, 

my coin returns...

"saw you last night
dance by the light
of the moon
stars in your eyes
free from the life
that you knew"

Come said the wind to 

the leaves one day

Come o're the meadows

and we will play. 

Put on your dresses

scarlet and gold,

For summer is gone - 

and the days grow cold

Dont Be Paralyzed...

I went to hot yoga tonight and the teacher went through the class differently because she says we're in the 'winter' season now. I had read a little about these seasons in terms of yoga/zen teaching last year, and it really interests me because what each season represents is how your body/mind is supposed to feel. For example, autumn is the season where you let go, shed your skin, leaves fall, things die..so in winter we are supposed to be still, silent, and she was talking about that during this season we are supposed to explore whats really deep inside us that has remained that we have not let go of. To really explore our 'being' and become more centered. I thought about this and really wanted to incorporate this into my life - but I'm worried I really haven't fully gone through the Autumn stage. I've had so many opportunities to let go of all of this baggage, negativity, and things that aren't good for me...and I've seriously made points day after day to say I was going to change, or really let habits/situations/memories die....but instead I'm making conscious choices to hold on to them. It's almost as if as much as I keep wanting to move foward, I wont allow myself to, and by doing this I cannot sit still in winter and focus on myself, better myself and really make plans and prepare myself for when spring comes and we're supposed to 'spring foward' 'bring life to' new plans, experiences, etc. And therefore I go another year where I'm sitting in the same spot I was the year before and the year before that. And this whole set of beliefs/teachings/or just another way of looking at things totally explains why in the simplest sense. Or maybe I'm just looking for any sort of real push/inspiration/motivation to move foward and leave the person I am now that I dont want to be behind before I wake up 33 living alone with 9 cats.

Feel Free

So obviously I survived my flight down here, now I just have to survive the flight home. I've kept my new years resolution to travel alone - although I wanted to travel alone for leisure. I love the feeling of being on my own, being independent, to do whatever my pretty little heart desires. All alone, a clean hotel room, large tv, enormous bed, balcony, etc. I can just relax alone with my thoughts, no one to barge in or worry about hearing, nothing to do but just to sit and do as I please. Just me, alone with me....the best quality time I never get enough of or make enough time for.

 "Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."